Clubs are more like photo shoots these days, everyone has a fancy camera they don't know how to use and everyone wants to snap you for their incredibly important tumblr.
However, nightclub snapping isn't a newfangled invention, it's been around since the night Grace Jones and Divine fell out of Studio54. With the birth of Facebook, commercialised reportage has taken over our going out experience with everyone wanting a snap for social media.
Promoters understand the importance of a profile picture that reflects how amazing our social lives are, in response they now employ party photographers to snap their punters and overlay branding. The result? Free advertising for their night across your social media - nifty.
On Thursday I headed to the West End for a glass of port and a swish around a dance floor dressed as tinsel - it's Christmas after all and we're supposed to be saving Soho, right?
Today I was tagged in this image...
...I've been photoshopped with an inch of my life.
A brash attempt to tidy my lippy, a bit of attention to the eyes so we don't see the lash that was falling off, chest hair blurred, a shed load of airbrushing to my skin to mask any impurities or 2am stubble and.. oh yeah, I'm 5 stone lighter with a jaw line.
We are all aware of the damage the selfie is having on the perception of ourselves, not to mention the effect of photoshopped images of celebrities (and Kim Kardashian) but what happens when these images are photoshopped, with no authority and we see what the world deems to be our imperfections? What does that do to our psyche?
I'm annoyed that someone has made a decision that this is the image I want to see of myself or that this is an image now acceptable for the world to see, not to mention the fact that this is somehow now selling a brand that seemingly endorses thin, sleek, unobtainable-ness... but is that someone just responding to societies neo norms?
Perhaps this is postcode specific, Soho is shallow and it's not the first time I've been marginalised for being imperfect in it's eyes - with this in mind is it really worth saving?!
I guess solace can be found in the farcical nature of the image - any one who knows me understands I don't look like that nor do I want to present myself in that way. Perhaps I need to steer clear of poncey, poofy spaces.
The next time someone shoves an expensive camera in your face at a disco cover your face, no doubt they'll photoshop it too and smooth out your lifeline but we can at least pose in peace knowing our image is safe in our hands ...until we choose our own filters to put on to it.
*I've removed the branding of the night as this isn't an attack at a promoter or promotion. This is a culture we've built.