My Facebook dilemma

When my forefathers talk about producing shows in the age of the land line and fax I often wonder were these more simple times easier / less paranoid? Last year I committed Facebook suicide after a profile nearing 5k ‘friends’ left me struggling to get any information to the right people about haunts they could find me throwing myself about. Facebook also got abit paranoid and only allowed the 500 people who looked at my profile the most to appear in my/their feed, with this in mind I decided to kill my popular, 21st century self and start a page. I was amazed that only 500 of the 5,000 people jumped over to my new celebrity-status-Facebook-life but not shocked, becoming someone’s friend on Facebook is easier than becoming their, dare I say it, fan (although anyone who has ever ‘liked’ me would never be a fan, simply a person of good/bad taste).

With the age of ‘I’m eating a cupcake in Selfridges and I hate my life for being so cliché’ status’ behind me I thought my page would be a lush utopia of informative stuff that hoards of people would comment on but instead I became Mr/Mrs/Mx Boring and any form of whit or quip were void/null/gone. Perhaps I think no one is at all interested in hearing what I have to say but I happily gob off on twitter, is twitter less serious? Why do I have 3k followers on there? Am I doing something wrong? Why do I care about these numbers? – Social media can turn you mental.

In an attempt to get to the bottom to why no ones likes me on Facebook I read some of facebooks advice to getting a ‘strong online presence’ – it includes tips like asking people questions to encourage social interaction like ‘Hey you guys what are you up to today? Why not pop in for a coffee’ and suggests you take a human tone to your updates, it also mentions being positive and nice ‘the person you want to be around’ – Now most of you will know by now I’m not into ‘nice’ or social interaction let alone positivity and as for being human…

What follows are a series of buttons that enable you to share my pain, endorse my decline and allow my ego to live in a modern world. Whatever happens next I promise to be a lot more interesting on Facebook and treat twitter with the same lack of respect.

Social media? #fuckoff


No comments: