Can You Feel The Love Tonight?
This time last week (a fortnight ago, but it doesn't roll off the tongue as well) I did a blog post about 'post show come down' and in keeping with the documentation of my mental health and wanting to remain honest I want to tell you 'where I'm at' even if it makes me look like Madonna / cunt / cock / swear word that won't offend feminists.
We're four months into 2012 and today I feel on top of the world, I'm really happy with the work I'm producing, the ideas that are emerging and 'the future' but aside from this today's optimism is from something far more important - the punters. It's only since the last few turns at Duckie this year, Burger Queen and Camp I've felt that the/an audience like me (I told you this was going to get Madge), however annoying this sounds it's honest. Previously I've watched in awe performance faves like Jonny Woo's Faggot at the Soho, Le Gateaux at Edinburgh last summer, Justin/Kiki and Bryony Kimmings (everywhere/all the time) and felt abit jelz, not because I want to be them or begrudge their success but the love their audiences give them that's unadulterated. This morning I've been watching youtube clips of legendary cabaret performer Regina Fong (I'm borrowing one of her acts as a nod to her influence on camp at Camp next week) - in every show her audience are playful, want her, love her and tell her what to do, this clip is possibly her most famous turn (and the one I've 'borowing')
Recently I've been seeing returning faces at shows - one couple told me last week they were disappointed I said I didn't know anyone in the audience - they listed off five years of my performance exploits they'd attend and I was honestly touched, Simon Casson of Duckie fame says I'm like Shirley Temple '...they like you cause they've watched you grow up'. I've have had lovely feedback from punters at shows, bums are firmly on seats, shows are selling out and everyone is LOLing at my rambles on the Olympics and the National Theatre - last night onstage I felt that the audience (minus the gays twins that left 15mins in) where onside, enjoyed me and wanted me to be there - how lucky am I? Saying this aloud annoys me but trying to articulate this is more difficult that I thought it would be. Ultimately I feel really privileged to say I think people like me and as a performer that is the sole/soul goal? Even those who go out their way to be hated are looking for love - even if it is an extremist adoration they are after.
This post is more a dialogue with myself because as a solo performer there is no one to tell you your amazing/shit/mediocre, this is also a far cry from the previous blog after BQ final and Camp opening. I think artists/performers/people who do turns moan too much about the demands of show business when really we're paid nicely to have a persona and lay our cards on the table.
This morning I thought to myself I should of thanked everyone for spending their earnings to help me pay my bills in exchange for some showing off - Thank you for coming, sticking with me and sharing your love. This is appreciation.